Gordon Brown has accepted the Tory party invitation for the party leaders to meet in a no holds barred, bare knuckled 'cagefight' contest just two days before the election.
The meeting is to be held at the MEN Arena in Manchester on Tuesday May 4th and will be televised on a pay per view basis, normally the reserve of major boxing contests.
The usual rules of Cagefighting will apply and involve the contestants using unrestricted and unregulated violence to render their opponent unconscious, thereby winning the contest and possibly the election. The one significant rule change is that the crunch meeting will be a 'tag' contest with the Chancellor Alistair Darling and Vice Chancellor George Osbourne able to rotate participation with their respective party leaders. First aid and tactical advice will be given by front bench representatives for health and defence respectively.
"I'm going to blind the fucker in his other eye", Mr Cameron said last night. "That way, he can't be the Prime Minister even if he wins the election. Which he won't. This is consistent with the manifesto promise I made earlier that I will use my thumbs to blind the twat. This will land a blow for hard working families against dour Scottish tossers."
Mr Brown appeared unruffled by the hype surrounding the contest. "He can fuck off like the rest of you", he shouted at journalists outside No 10, before smiling as if attempting to break wind. This followed a long day on the hustings and an, "intensive sparring session" with Mr Darling.
Although invited, the Liberal Democrats refused to take part for moral reasons, whilst Nick Griffin of the BNP refused an invitation as, "my opponents would all be White British in ethnicity."