A self styled 'Palmist', part time Prolific Spoofer, and dreaded English Language Proctor, announced he is taking a summer sabbatical after being chosen to become the "Head Creamer" at a nude French beach resort!
The all around self professed 'Handy Man" was chosen out of a horde of applicants for his recent treatise confessing that he had just about had his hands on 'everything & everyone' he had come in contact with.
The winning applicant, operating under the stage name "Lynton", also fulfilled the requirements of being 'reasonably articulate, multi lingual, and personable' thereby easily distancing him from the bevy of applicants from Scotland, Poland, Romania , and New Jersey.
Pub mates "Mad Juan" and Martin Shuttlecock supported the appointment.
"He's a master manipulator, I'll tell yer that," said Shuttlecock, "you should have seen him work over the Bar Maid just last week....HA! Buckled her knees, and that's before he used his sharp tongue on 'er!"
The French resort "Le Nude Soleile" is paying $1125 per week for what they describe as a "Personal Creamer" to apply sunblock and tanning products to their nude guests while at their $1500 a day sandy spa on the Atlantic.
While the job only lasts from the beginning of June to the end of August, prime vacation time for many French suffering from fatigue and genetic lack of ambition, a spokesman said the Creamer will 'have his hands full trying to satisfy all the vacationers."
While Lynton will be servicing all the female clientele, attending to their every command and attempting to fill all cracks and crevices to prevent UV damage, the resort is still interviewing Female "Creamers" to handle male guests.
That position pays considerably less, only $400 a week, but thats due to the expectation they will be receiving "a plethora of Tips" according to the Human Resources Officer, Holly Go Barely, herself a former "Head Creamer" who has advanced into the management field.
Despite his sabbatical, Lynton assured his loyal Spoof Fans that they would not be out of touch. " I expect to keep on writing, keeping in contact with all my mad friends, maintaining a daily journal, and documenting my exploits with my hidden nostril cam. Look for me on my AssBook Page at "LyntnTitsAss4U.com" where I'll continue to keep my fingers in the pie!"