Written by Joe Dent
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Topics: Public, independence

Thursday, 20 January 2005

image for Kilroy-Silk Goes It Alone
Quitting UKIP but unfortunately not public life

At a public meeting in his East Midlands constituency, Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferer Robert Kilroy-Silk explained to his fan why he is quitting the UK Independence Party.

Journalists were earlier tipped off about Mr Kilroy-Silk's decision to leave UKIP by Mr Kilroy-Silk himself as he left home this morning jumping up and down and shouting "Look at me! Look at me! I'm Robert and I'm going to be God one day. But tonight I'm leaving UKIP. Look at me! Look at me!"

Later, Mr Kilroy-Silk was greeted by a huge crowd of two reporters and a photographer when he arrived at the Hinckley Big Bingo Hall in his pram, which was pushed by minder Damian Hockney, the only fan of the limelight loving MEP.

As soon as Mr Hockney pulled back the pram's hood, the reporters surged forward and fought for microphone space while Mr Kilroy-Silk sucked on his dummy.

"Are you leaving the party because you can't lead it?" a forthright journalist asked.

"No! No! No!" cried Mr Kilroy-Silk, throwing his dummy onto the pavement. "I didn't want to lead that stupid party anyway!"

Seeing that the MEP was close to tears, his minder quickly pushed the pram inside the building, knocking over the broadsheet photographer who was trying to get a shot of the solitary dummy on the floor.

From his play-pen on the stage of the Bingo Hall, Mr Kilroy-Silk addressed a loyal army of empty seats while Mr Hockney stood close by with a bottle of warm milk and a rusk.

The meeting lasted for three hours, with the MEP talking about politics for a minute and about himself for the rest of the time.

Later, when asked about what he thought of Mr Kilroy-Silk's performance, Mr Hockney told The Spoof: "Brilliant. Bloody brilliant. He's a god. It's as simple as that. I worship him. I want to kiss his toes. I'm prepared to take any shit thrown at him."

Now that he has left UKIP, Mr Kilroy-Silk is expected to form his own political party called Vanus.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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