Spare a thought for Susan Boyle today, she has just seen her Celtic bhoys booted out of the Scottish Cup and wrings her hand at what might have been.
She has watched the "new Susan Boyle" from Taiwan, on her iPad, scrutinising the video gathering thousands of views and hour.
She is reeling from the tabloid reports of another four letter rant from her in Japan, on the plane from Tokyo to London and at Heathrow airport. Virgin say "nae mair crap" , Susan, behave or be gone.
Susan's management team are trying, without success, to find an airline that will fly her to Australia. The Australians love her, her CD is a massive hit there and she is assured of a fantastic reception. The Bruces and Sheilas find no problem with her rants. They speak that language as well.
Too many people want a piece of Susan it seems. She is their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Her brother checks up on her online bank account daily, counts the zeros and sums it up nicely, "Arithmetic is my strong point. Add in the Boyle Factor, forget the X Factor and me and my lovely wee sis, Susan, are quids in!"
The Boyle Factor surmounts all the odds against our special lady, Susan. We can discount the four letter words, the airport rants, the loss of dignity. They are factored out by the subo fanatics and never, ever happened. Poor delusional fools.
Celtic happened to be trounced and no Boyle Factor can influence that. Rumours of a big Boyle on Robbie Keane's bum that restricted his movement are denied.
A Boyle in Taiwan has burst onto the scene, but there is room enough for both Boyles. The Boyle in Taiwan will burst his bubble soon enough. The Priory, Taipei has a confirmed booking for Taiwan Boyle in 3 weeks.
Stand well back, a bursting Boyle buries bystanders.