The Green Party has today begun campaigning ahead of the forthcoming general election in May. They got off to rather a slow start as power-saving measures at head office prevented the news from reaching them. Today they finally received a carrier pigeon with the details.
The party is not expecting to do well, barely hoping to equal their pathetic 2% of the vote they got last time. And all is not as is seems at Green HQ, as indicated by the recent defection of a prospective MP, Ernie Crump, who is now a member of the "Enemies of the Earth" group.
Mr Crump explained, "Everyone thinks the Green party are a bunch of well-meaning but slightly crusty hippies who just want to protect the environment and cut down on pollution. But that's not the case at all."
"They're actually psychotic extreme communists who want us all to live like students, 10 to a house, and go back to the stone age. Imagine a cross between the Flintstones and the Young Ones but without the jokes, and that's the Green party's vision for the future."
"And seriously, it is their policy to aim for 0% economic growth year on year, because supposedly that's 'sustainable'. The leader of the Greens actually said the other day that this last year has been a good year!! We had a bit of a recession and a minor recovery so the UK's economic growth rate has been about 0%. People have been suffering but the Greens want more of the same. They're all flipping crazy."
"So yeah, I hate these people now, and I really don't want them to get their way. Destroy the Earth!!"