Unfounded rumours and scurrilous stories about the born again thingy doing things with a girl on Corrie are the product of a nasty, vicious lowlife says Rosie Webster.
"I get all the hot, steamy scenes" pouted Rosie, pushing her oversized front before her, "My sister, she's a geek and, and, and a nerd no one wants to kiss HER, not even a girl."
"I'm a glamour model you know".
Rosie has stirred the shit with her dad, Kevin, who has barred Sophie from going out for a month.
"If I catch the top rated spoofer who made this up, I'll throw a pint in his face" Kevin screamed.
"We might be crap actors, but I've been one for 25 years and no wee girlie is going to get in the Daily Star before my Rosie. She's worked hard to be a slut, she deserves all the hassle she can get. Katie Price taught her all she knows"
Sophie, meanwhile, is confined to her bedroom, reading her bible and secretly texting Sian. Where is Sally, the wanabee rich mum of Sophie and Rosie? She must be in the Bahamas at her time share. Won't she be mad as hell and outrageously sickened to hear of this sinister plot? Never mind, Janice Battersby will spill the beans first chance she has.
Norris Cole, no relation to Ashley or Cheryl, meanwhile is perving in his back shop on the pics he took of "the kiss" on his new mobile phone.
"No comment", said the top rated spoofer