Our esteemed leader, Gordon Brown, has visited The Queen to ask for the dissolution of Parliament ahead of the General Election, but she has flatly refused.
Appearing briefly outside Buckingham Palace a flushed Gordon told reporters, "I will be continuing to run the country for the foreseeable future. It's what The Queen wants."
Grinning darkly from under his sun hat on a friend's yacht, Business Secretary, Lord Peter Mandleson, commented, "Gordy went to see Lizzy, but she said there was no way she could dissolve Parliament. She understands this would mean he will not be PM anymore, and said there was absolutely no way she could allow the country to be run by anyone but Gordy. So voters can be assured they no longer need to bother themselves with voting and can get back to their more important job of consuming."
The Queen was unavailable for comment and was mysteriously taken ill following her meeting with the PM.