The latest hot news from the pre-election rag bag that is the, er, pre-election ragbag, is that it seems likely that the next government plans to legalise bunny hunting to replace the old-age sport (!) of fox hunting.
For those not in the know (I'm lead to believe its Mrs Elisa Scrotum of Mid Glamorgan), fox hunting is where a gaggle of drunken wastrels, who are too rich and dim to realise that they could devote some of their spare time to charitable work, dress in red jackets and helmets, armed only with a glass of Harvey's Bristol Cream, a kazoo and a pack of rabid dogs, chase a fox to death through rural people's rockeries and shrubberies on horseback (the dim, red-jacketed drunkards are on horseback and not the rockeries or shrubberies).
According to Jim Bearlee-Vizzible of UKIP, if he becomes a Secretary of State, a Minister, or even for that matter, actually elected to Parliament, he plans to avert a national crisis over fox hunting by introducing bunny hunting. Of course, many existing senior government members already bunny hunt, not realising that bunnies have long given way to pole dancers and women of a disreputable nature who hang around pensioners such as Peter Y-String Fellow.
According to Mr Bearlee-Vizzible, rabbits now account for damage of almost £200 million to farm property, chewing up things, spreading things and generally doing anti-farming things at every opportunity.
Elmer Fudd, General Secwetawy of the Wabbits Co-operative, said that this move was likely to take the bread out of the pockets of his members.
Jonathan Woss was too busy plugging his wife's new film to be even wemotely intewested.