Written by Frank Insense
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Sunday, 4 April 2010

image for Peter Andre in new love triangle twist

Rumours are circulating regarding a love triangle between Peter Andre, Susan Boyle and ex-Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona, famous for her love of large quantities of frozen foods and fad diets.

According to our sources Peter was caught climbing out of the bog window of the Ring'O'Fire curry house in the village of Fisted-Hoop.

When our sources said "We asked Pete for an autograph and he was so polite and gave us a signed photo, even making it out to Auntie Norman. He said he would love to chat but had to meet a friend at very short notice. We went into the restaurant and everyone was talking about Pete and the 'mystery woman' on the back table when she suddenly turned round. Imagine our surprise when Susan Boyle started humming Mysterious Girl! When we looked out of the window Pete was heading off down the high street on a skateboard. I had a chicken korma because anything hotter sets my piles off again."

When we spoke to Kerry she said "Just put the burgers and pizzas in the freezer. Oh Peter and Susan? Of course I know about that. She's giving him tips on how to break into the music business. Tell me, is it true he table ended her in the kitchen of the restaurant? He did it to me and I burnt my nipple on the grill plate!"

We caught up with Pete when he fell off his skateboard. He denied any involvement with Subo but the stubble burns did indicate that their meeting had been more than just business.

Katie Price commented "I couldn't care less about what Alex, I mean Pete does with whoever as I've moved on now and my future lies with Pete, I mean Alex. Ah fuck!" through gritted teeth before driving her horsebox over some puppies.

We can also confirm that Katie has still got plastic tits.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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