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Sunday, 4 April 2010

image for Susan Boyle stuns XFactor nobodies who wish they were somebodies
Miss Boyle's cleaner hard at work

Superstar, Susan Boyle, allegedly turned up at the XFactor tour today in Glasgow, Scotland a Twitterer twatted earlier this evening.

Miss Boyle, showed off her £6000, bling bracelet, a birthday present from Simon Cowell and handed out £50 notes to audience members seated near to her.

XFactor losers and wannabees, Jedward, cried as they strangled, "I who have nothing" as Miss Boyle stuck one of her platinum discs in their faces. Their ill advised encore, a reprise of "Things Can Only Get Better", was jeered by the audience as Miss Boyle called out, you wish!

Ollie Murs, the ladies man knees buckled as he noticed Miss Boyle and begged her to "Dream a Little Dream Of Me". Daniel, who should have won XFactor, joined Stacey in a tearful rendition of "It Should Have Been Me."

As the winner of XFactor, Joe, took the stage to cries of, "Ashley Cole is going to deck you". Miss Boyle applauded wildly and could not wait to join him onstage for "The Winner Takes It All" while reminding him of her upcoming performance with "Rage Against The Machine". Sour puss Joe, by now in tears, struggled through his solo, "I Don't Want To Talk About It".

Miss Boyle left to rapturous applause after Piers Morgan presented her with another multi platinum, solid plastic disc for her CD, while Miss Boyle jokingly asked him if he wanted to see .jpeg's of her new house on her iPad.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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