Dan 'Lucky' McLuck, died earlier this week in what can only be described as a shocking and horrible accident.
Dan, whose last name 'McLuck' earned him his ironic nick-name, fell face-down from a 50 storey building onto a red-hot iodine-soaked set of railings on the perimeter of the famous 'Pete's Rabid-Pet shop'.
Dan's partner, Victor released the following statement: "Dan was like a brother to me, except that Dan and I used to have sex...which I did not have my brother...just to make that clear."
"Dan was never especially lucky. He lost both his legs on a tragic hiking holiday, and he was only able to communicate by blinking his eyes. Apart from myself he had no other ties - he was an orphan, left in a chocolate easter-basket at the Zoo when he was just 6 months old."
"Dan would have been happy that he went this way."
Victor's cryptic written statement, that was written on the back of a 1987 Daily Sport Calendar, and read out by a stranger, leads us to believe that Mr. McLuck was probably the unluckiest man alive. Let's all breathe-deeply and thank whoever-you-like that it didn't happen to us. After all, someone's got to soak in all that bad shit, don't they?