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Topics: Toilet Paper

Saturday, 3 April 2010

image for Toilet Paper shortage leads to some Brits adopting hands-on approach
London's Akim Abdoul asks diners to hold a rose in their left hands while eating.

Egyptian authorities have been looking for a way to curb a severe paper shortage that has plagued the country for almost 7 months. Shipments of tissue paper products have been suspended by a long-running strike by unions in the US and in South America.

A further manipulation of prices allowed China to buy up huge reserves of the desperately needed resource. Shortages have cropped up globally ever since, especially in third-world countries and Britain where inflation has crippled purchasing power.

Good manners have suffered as well. The cordiality of handshakes has almost disappeared from the normalcy of doing business and as an acceptable form of greeting a client, stranger, or even a friend!

Now, why that would be related to the worldwide paper crisis? Well, toilet paper, like tissue paper, is in very short supply too! The more affluent countries have snapped it all up by paying the higher prices. Smaller countries, like Britain which has a growing muslim population, the 'old hand means' has returned as the only way to give yourself an ass wipe!

As Akim, a merchant in the primarily muslim section of London, put it, "All paper go to countries that have beeg azzholes. Ve here en England only get nothing so ve use left hand!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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