Written by Nae mair crap
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Thursday, 1 April 2010

image for Susan Boyle and the case of the vanishing birthday present
someone pinched my jewels

Mystery surrounds the disappearance of a valuable birthday present given to the Scottish singer Susan Boyle.

The jewellery, apparently, was missed by Miss Boyle as guests at a secret birthday party left a Japanese hotel. Miss Boyle's security team were able to stop all but one of her guests, who was seen to make a dash for the lift.

The missing lady was apprehended by hotel security in the hotel lobby. She was subjected to a full body search but the missing jewellery was not found. Security, however, discovered a mobile phone, a diary and used toiletries taken from the bathroom in Miss Boyle's room. These were hidden in a secret pouch sewn into the lining of the perps red alpaca wool scarf.

The lady screamed in protest as the security personnel inspected the scarf.

"Give me that back, it cost me hundreds of dollars and my filipino maid took weeks to knit it. Butt out you heathen, I'm on to you. I am the number one fan, I travel everywhere and stay in the same hotels as my great friend Susan. I have friends in high places you know. I know Bush and Sarah Palin, they will hear about this. I know the Queen of England, I go to all her garden parties. I have Simon Cowell over to my house every month. We discuss Susan's travel plans, I advise on the best hotels. Take your hands off my underwear you weasels. Your Emperor will not be well pleased to learn about you barbarians."

The bemused Japanese whispered "nutter" to each other, bowed gracefully and led her away to a quiet room. Hotel security are currently reviewing CCTV for clues as to the whereabouts of the missing jewellery.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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