Love rat and former England and Chelsea statue John Terry has failed miserably to take a leaf out of Rio Ferdinand's book on happy families, writes Virginia Ratpoison.
Ferdinand recently bought four garden gnomes for his Cheshire mansion, and had the faces of himself and his wife and sons painted on them.
Rio figures that seeing his gormless grin on the gnome will comfort his family while he is away at the World Cup this summer, as WAGS are not invited to South Africa.
Arrogant sex-cheat Terry, however, proved that he isn't the sharpest pin in the pin-cushion yesterday.
"JT wanted to show that he's as big a family man as Rio", said a spokesbastard yesterday. "He bought a gnome from the same firm - Gnomes For All Seasons, of Cheating, Herts., and had his face put on it. He was sure this would keep his wife, whatever her name is, happy while he was 'playing away from home'. He even said he wished Rio had thought of this before, as it would have saved a lot of hassle."
"All seemed to be going well", continued the spokesbastard. "But when he heard that Rio had bought the 3 other gnomes, JT had a rush of blood to the head, and ordered another one for his garden.
"The problem is, JT didn't get his wife or kids painted on this second gnome. He had the face of Vanessa Perroncel added.
"It's as big a gaffe as the ones he's been making when playing for Chelsea lately", continued the spokesbastard yesterday. "I guess that JT isn't used to having the blood rush to his head!" grimaced the spokesbastard.
However, all may not be lost for the lumbering lothario. "Actually, he might just get away with it", smiled the spokesbastard. "We all know that JT's little woman, whatever her name is, is'nt the brightest star in the galaxy. Apparently she still thinks the second gnome is herself and that it's a token of JT's love!"