Written by Mike Eastabrook
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Topics: TV, Pornography, Charity

Monday, 29 March 2010

image for 'Hand Relief' Charity TV Event Announced - Celebrity Porn Extravaganza Set to Raise Millions
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TV5 bosses tonight announced an evening of celebrity porn based programmes aimed at raising millions of pounds for the charity SIN (Slappers in Need). Hand Relief, which will air in late July, will include such treats as:

- 'Celebrity Come dogging' with Stan Colleymore and a selection of rough birds

- 'Nudes at Ten' including Moira Stewart in her birthday suit

- 'Terry and June' where John Terry will take housewives favourite June Whitfield roughly in the shower

- 'Sex on the Settee' starring Jim Royle with a bevy of trade union beauties

- 'Tiger's 18 hole challenge' with the famous golfing prodigy going about his normal day

A pizza company have also added their backing for the event, hiring in a selection of well hung Swedish delivery boys who will be available for any attractive yet implausibly desperate women ordering before 10pm.

The NHS has promised to enter into the spirit too. Trust Chairman of Slough's Wexham Park hospital has promised that their nurses will strip off for no apparent reason, to reveal unrealistic silicone zeppelins, for a donation of £5 or more from anyone admitted to casualty on the night.

TV5 chairman Adonis Hornblower was keen to stress the charitable nature of the event: "Anyone thinking this is just a cheap way to get the ratings up is just plain right. I mean wrong. It's all about helping a good cause - so come on Britain let's knock one out and help a slapper."

The announcement of the event was not welcomed by all, however. Women's rights campaigner and general spoilsport Germaine Greer initially called the event "deplorable and exploitative". However we understand that once she was made aware of the charitable nature of the show she did reluctantly agree to appear in a girl-on-girl short with Jo Brand.

Hand Relief will air on 30th July on TV5, with Katie Price expected to make a desperate attempt to resurrect her 'career' by agreeing to anything to present the evening's proceedings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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