Written by Nae mair crap
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Thursday, 25 March 2010

image for HM the Queen congratulates Countdown on the 5,000th show

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, has said thank you to Countdown, the CH4 game show that tests contestants arithmetic and word making skills.

HRH loves to play against her Private Secretaries. She has the show recorded each afternoon and watches it by herself, so she has all the answers, while doing her Red Boxes.

"They hate to play against me because I always win. They attended Eton and Cambridge, Double Honours in Greek and Latin but Queenie always wins." HRH smiled.

"When my PM's visit on Tuesdays we discuss their business, then have a half hour with Countdown. Thatcher, was a bad loser, always a scowl and she did not like her fat arse buzzed on the conundrum"

HRH has had the conundrum buzzer wired to the PM's seat.

"Like a whoopee cushion, my Harry showed me how, he's so naughty. Mr Blair, he gets an extra strong buzz for making my Harry go to Afghanistan. Mr Brown, he is so bright, got to Edinburgh Uni at 16 you know, he loses on purpose the creep."

"My William made me lose. Sometimes he makes me whisper him the answers. Otherwise he said he would put me in an old folks home when he is King."

"I'm having Susan Boyle here next week. I may make her a Dame not a Lady. ewwwwwwwwwww Some people they drive me nuts, they really do, they will not listen. She cannot be a Lady, read my lips, pay attention. I do hope Susan will bring her sculptress Madame Lulu, she sounds fun, but her English is not so good. I can't give her a gong, she's foreign you know."

"Must dash, sorry, I have Michelle and Barack coming tonight, they are American you know. I do hope there are no words with "u"'s in them. GW was furious when I disallowed humorous."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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