After a hard day at work, local man Martin Shuttlecock had just settled into his favourite armchair with a nice cup of tea and a packet of pre-dinner chocolate digestive biscuits.
Shuttlecock had been looking forward to watching the latest edition of Dancing On Ice to try to find out what all the fuss was about when he was disturbed by loud and persistent knocking at the front door.
In reply to Anne's (his wife) question, "Who's that?" Shuttlecock grunted that he didn't know because he had not yet perfected the art of being able to see through walls.
When he answered the door, Shuttlecock was astonished to see Big Dave from next door standing on the doorstep shouting, "I've got one!" Further investigation by Shuttlecock revealed that Big Dave had bloodstains on his hands, and spots of blood on his face. Shuttlecock invited the agitated giant - who sadly has the mind of a child - into the house, trying to calm Big Dave down, fearing that the big fella had been attacked by somebody or something.
Big Dave could only repeat over and over again that he'd "got one" which prompted the question: What the heck had big Dave got?
"I've got a troll," Big Dave announced. "I've brought it home and locked it in the garden shed."
Despite Shuttlecock's attempts to convince Big Dave that he must have had a knock on the head, or some kind of 'episode' Big Dave insisted that he had caught a troll, brought it home and locked it in the garden shed.
Shuttlecock, taking this very seriously for once in his life, asked Big Dave to take him to the troll. Sure enough, there was banging and howling coming from Big Dave's shed, so he'd obviously caught something. At which point, Shuttlecock called the police.
Shortly afterwards, two police officers arrived and forced their way into the shed. They were horrified by what they found. Shuttlecock explained:
"It was a midget, a bloke in his thirties I'd say, and he was hopping mad. From what we've been able to get from Big Dave, he saw the midget in the street, thought he was a troll, then overpowered him, carried him home and locked him in the shed. Big Dave's never seen a midget before."
Apparently the midget, Mark Winterbottom, was furious at being brutally abducted and is discussing a compensation claim with his solicitor.
More as we get it