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Wednesday, 24 March 2010

image for Palace numerologists reschedule Queen's death prediction for 25 March
Palace IT geeks say 407 is a Badass Client Request and must be expunged

London - (Portents): The imminent Lady Day demise comes after hundreds of 'extinct' Ghost Orchids suddenly sprouted on the Buckingham Palace lawn in a spooky coffin-shaped formation.

"We counted exactly 407 of the critically endangered species," royal botanist Dame Daphne Hollyhock said today.

"Now that's the exact number of years since the 24 March 1603 death of Queen Elizabeth the First," Hollyhock added.

"And as everyone in Q Gardens knows 407 is a Narcissistic Number - one that uses flowery terminology to predict the extinction of a tyrant!"

Mathematicians at the Royal Institution concurred describing a Narcissistic Number as one 'that is the sum of its own digits each raised to the power of the number of digits:'

"407 is the sum of cubes of 4, 0 and 7 (4³ + 0 ³+ 7³ = 407)," the RI's Prof Honey Digitalis explained.

"It's also the telephone area code for Orlando, Florida where Queen Elizabeth's secret grandson Tiger Woods lives at 407 Nookie Drive, can't get any spookier than that!"

Palace IT experts also agreed that the 407 figure is ominous in the extreme:

"That number is the HTTP error code for 'Proxy authentication required'," royal website troll Dave Geek said.

"In other words it's a Client Error Code 'intended for cases in which the client seems to have erred' to quote the relevant Cyber Revelations chapter.

"It's a Badass Client Request alright!"

March 25th - or Lady Day is it is known - used to be the official New Year's Day under the old Julian Calendar system.

It was associated with the first annual sighting of the Ghost Orchid and of the perennial English flower the narcissus, named after the Greek tragic hero who falls in love with himself after seeing his own watery reflection a few times too many.

Prince Philip is a Greek tragedy in waiting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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