David Platt and Graeme Proctor have spent an entire weekend on Coronation Street, where they think they live, plotting the release of crestfallen Gail McIntyre from prison.
Gail is charged with the murder of Joe, her on screen husband, and has been refused bail. She sits, lost and lonely apparently without a change of clothes, in a prison cell. Her boy, David, is unable to use his limited intelligence to come up with a plan to get her out. He and Graeme discuss helicopters, tunnels and an armed hold up, with smoke bombs, in the prison visiting room, all of which Rosie Webster rejects.
Rosie, the wily, overacting, would be glamour model did not go to a posh school for nothing and proposes a plot certain to succeed.
"We steal the stories they give us every week to learn. Right. We know that we really live on the Street, have done all our lives but they keep lying to us. We tell them that we will give these stories to the tabloids. Yeah. They have to change the stories so that Gail is really working undercover to trap Tracy Barlow's vice ring in the prison. Excellent. We tell them that our English teacher, John Stape has to rewrite the stories. He's a real teacher you know and a creepy weirdo. He has to come here and I can wiggle my bits at him. Sado. I can show him my latest fashion shoot. But anythings better than sitting here with you two losers"
David and Graeme hang on every word, nodding like Rosie's lapdogs.
"Yes" David shouts,"we have a plan"
"Oh yes", cries Graeme "can you get them to make it so I get to have sex with you for real Rosie"
"That is so gross" pouts Rosie " I'm a glamour model, not a bimbo"
Same difference, Rosie, but love the story.