Written by Bob Muppet
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Friday, 24 December 2004

image for Lucy Labrador Digs Dirt On Blunket

Britain's war-loving Prime Minister was reeling from the latest revelations about the sex-life of his disgraced former Home Secretary, David Blunket.

It has been revealed today, that Lucy, the blind Minister's guide dog has been having a three year sexual relationship with Butch, a dog owned by a Mrs Kimberly Quinn the American publisher of the Spectator magazine.

Allegations have also been made that during this steamy relationship that certain ‘favours' had been granted, which include the fast-tracking of Butch's pet passport and using diplomatic bodyguards and chauffeurs to ferry the doggy-lovers to the Crufts Dog Show and to weigh up the talent at Battersea Dogs Home.

Mr Blunket, whose authoritarian populist style has alienated himself from his ministerial colleagues, has also strongly denied the latest rumours that Mrs Quinn's dog is the father of his heavily pregnant guide dog. The shamed ex-Home Secretary has stated that he is prepared to get D.N.A. paternity testing if necessary so that he can keep custody of Lucy's puppies.

Labour party insiders admit that Tony Blair is deeply embarrassed by Lucy Labrador's confessions, especially with the prospect of a General Election in the next few months. The troubled Prime Minister is still trying to win back the support of the British public following allegations that he started the Iraq War on the basis of lies and bad intelligence reports.

The Prime Minister was forced, therefore, to set up an investigation into the Blunket affair. Sir Alan Budd was appointed to head the inquiry because whilst not being a high court judge, was guaranteed to find Mr Blunket completely innocent of all charges.

Consequently Sir Alan failed to make any direct link between the fast tracking of Mrs Quinn's pet passport and Mr. Blunket.

Sir Alan, however, did report that it seemed odd that Mr Blunket had resigned from office when for example Bill Clinton had remained in office for much more serious sexual misbehaviour.

Mrs Quinn's dog was shaken but not stirred by the news that he would not be getting custody of the puppies he had fathered and summed it up with the timeless gay dog reply ; ‘Ain't life a bitch?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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