Written by Bill Licks
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Monday, 22 March 2010

image for Pete Docherty to be knighted for his charity work
Bone China not Bone Idle

When he's not selling drugs, taking drugs, doing a spot of burglary, insulting the Germans, spending time in rehab or being arrested, Pete Docherty spends his days tirelessly raising money for good causes and promoting the excellent work of charities.

'I raised loads of money for Sport Relief', he told me. 'I donned my replica Q.P.R. Rodney Marsh shirt and walked all the way from the sofa to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Nearly killed me it did, but I reckon the public must have appreciated my efforts because they donated over 30 million quid.'

'I'm gonna write a song too like Bob Geldoff did back in the 80's for Band Aid. I dunno where I'll write it. Maybe I'll be inside. Maybe I'll be outside. Maybe I'll be on every side - of the Albion.'

'I'll get the Libertines back together to perform it during a sell out festival at Q.P.R's stadium, Loftus Road… or Wormwood Scrubs depending on my whereabouts over the summer.'

'Then I'll be England's Rose once more and the public will forgive me for all the bad things that I've done. I'll be forever remembered as the knight that slayed the dragon - in the Albion.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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