The government has announced plans for new driving tests designed with men and women in mind. Gone are 3 point turns, parallel parking and mirror signal manoeuvre. In comes emergency stop while applying your make up, driving safely in the middle lane of the motorway all the time and avoiding contact with other road users when they need to pull out.
"It's simply not true to say women are poor drivers, they just do it different to men." said one spokesperson. Angela who is soon to take up driving lessons was relieved at changes. "I need all the help I can get," she said. "I like the sound of the 'mirror, signal is there a need to stop at every junction when there's nothing coming,' manoeuvre.'
For men there is now the 'how to overtake on a blind bend' manoeuvre which teaches them to pull in at the last remaining second in order to avoid death. Robert a 17 year old from Doncaster said "I've always wanted to be a 'white van man' just like me Dad. I love going to work with me him. He makes me proud when he shouts 'F*** you,' at a driver he has just cut up."
Other changes are to be: 'how to drive with your knees when you need to use both hands to do something more important' and 'how to avoid unnecessary use of the indicator to extend bulb life.'
Here's to a safer environment.