London - (IRA Mess): Desperate royal wannabe Charles Windsor will issue an official royal pardon to Robert Thompson and Jon Venables when he ascends the throne.
The promise to exonerate the killers comes amid revelations (Chapter 666) that the pair's 1993 prosecution in an adult court 'is a gross miscarriage of justice'.
Charles has offered to rehabilitate the evil ones with a fortnight's work experience program at one of his Duchy Originals cookie factories.
The bakery produces wholesome macrobiotic organic fare from Palace effluent stored at the nearby Pratts Bottom sewage treatment works.
Last month UK media reports admitted that Thompson already had a head start on the proposed therapy after being hired to work as a Buckingham Palace bellhop.
Kate Middleton's husg-hush divorce from a marriage to a secret childhood sweetheart becomes decree nisi within a few days.