As the historic health care vote looms on Capitol Hill this morning, a horde of secret service agents, the FBI and Air Force Security agents are combing the city in search for Dem Congressman Dennis Kucinich whose vote appears crucial for Obamacare.
Officially , Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, surrounded by a phalanx of armed security guards in her underground command center where she controls the vote in the House of Representatives, brushes off whispered rumours that Kucinich was abducted "again" by a UFO on March 20, which has been deemed 'Alien Abduction Day" by Sci Fi fans as well as the looney left wingers in Washington.
Back in the late 70's after Kucinich had been vanquished from his post as Mayor of Cleveland (!), the diminutive, some say pygmy like politician, headed out west to regroup and spent time with Hollywood Actress Shirley Maclaine, who also kept two toy poodles at the same time.
It was there, both testified, that they witnessed the arrival of several UFO's, and Kucinich, being an object of fascination by one extra terrestrial, was offered a ride which he eagerly accepted.
Sci Fi fans point to this episode as the existence of superior life on a scouting mission testing the mettle, defenses and intelligence of humans on earth.
According to classified reports, after a brief interrogation, Kucinich was released unharmed back to California as the reconnaissance team deemed Earth worthy of little note, and certainly no danger to advanced life styles.
Kucinich first talked about his visit, then later denied he had said anything when Dem leaders threatened to cut short his lackluster political career.
He has since gone on to sit in Congress for many years and provided a great deal of mirth to fellow members, but not the majority of his constituents, for his hysterical positions.
While Dems say he was probably kidnapped by a rogue band of anti-American Republicans, members of the Independent Tea Party movement say that if Dennis the Menace left the face of earth, it was entirely by his own choice as he always 'wanted to be a space cadet, saw his opportunity, and took it.!"
Nearing the voting wire Pelosi said, after checking with the House Parliamentarian, since Kucinich has noted his willingness to vote "Yes" for the Obamacare bill, and even though he was no longer of this earth, she would 'deem' his empty chair as a yes vote after a moment of silence commemorating his 'sudden passing."
Meanwhile outside of Phoenix, Arizona, 5 term Sheriff Joe Arpaio continued his pursuit of Ilegal Aliens with a 2 day sweep of the area. To date Sheriff Joe has been responsible for identifying over 30,000 illegal aliens, taking them off welfare and entitlement rolls, and sending many back to Mexico.
According to a spokesman for the Sheriff, Homeland Security Chief, "Pant-Suit' Janet Napalatano has sent an inquiry to see if Kucinich was inadvertently rounded up in Joe's last sweep.
In keeping with his professional and blunt manner Sheriff Joe responded in an E-mail: "Sorry. After a thorough search no one 4'6 with Spock Ears and a Phaser was apprehended during our last Security Sweep. Suggest you look under YOUR bed, and let me continue to do YOUR job as Homeland Security Director. Sincerely, Joe Arpaio."
Shirley Maclaine has not given up hope. " I know Dennis, he's a great little guy, and I know after he gets bored, he'll want to come back and continue his mission in Washington. He's just a little spacey, but we all love him.
Dennis, if you can hear me, come home soon, both of Mommy's little puppies miss you!"