Written by Nae mair crap
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Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Kelly Crabtree get back here
I have often walked on this street before, because the pavement was covered in dog poo!

Kelly Crabtree walked away from the Street tonight. Not for good, I hope. Corrie spoof writers, please spare a thought for our non UK writers who are months behind with the plot. But I'll tell you anyway Lady G, since you lost the plot years ago.

Kelly did the dirty for Nick Tilsley, who has trawled the gutter as usual to buy under the asking price as he undervalued Underworld to undermine poor Carla. Poor Carla who crawled up from the wrong side of a non existant track to boss the brazen brood of brass necked broody mares as they knock out knickers at Underworld.

Tilsley is an infamous Street institution. Nick's gran, the madcap Ivy Tilsley ran the sewing machine gang at the factory with Vera Duckworth. Ivy's son, Brian married Gail, yes Nick's mum and dad, but poor Brian got knocked off permanently. Ivy went loopy and lost it leaving for the loonie bin. Via several marriages, Gail became McIntyre and now she is banged up, behind bars, bawling like a bloody bairn, on a murder charge.

Which leaves us with the dandy of the Tilsley dynasty, David Platt. A plank, a pillock, and a pratt the would be Billy Elliot( thanks Stephen Daldry for rejecting him) is the progeny of Gail and umpteenth husband Martin Platt. A nastier piece of work you never met. He poisoned his niece, fed her drugs, nearly killed the entire family, stole, lied and lied and lied.

Will Gail meet Tracy Barlow, convicted murderer in jail? Oh please scriptwriters let it be so.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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