A Swindon mum has called for a worldwide ban on the popular, and legal!, Sudoku puzzle after her teenage son and all his friends died following an afternoon of LOGIC PUZZLES!, COUNTDOWN!, and Friday's 'hard' GUARDIAN Sudoku, nicknamed HARD!
"Why they couldn't be out getting lashed like other boys of their age is beyond me," said heartbroken Chardonnay Bucket-Latrine. "If it was illegal they wouldn't have tried it would they? He never got into anything illegal. Deal or No Deal once, but he couldn't even tie his own shoes laces. We had people in to do that for him."
Police confirmed that an investigation has been launched into who supplied the teenagers with the newspaper. A Mr D Patel is helping police with their enquiries. In a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black, Chief Superintendent PC Swift said.
"These boys were thick as planks and they should never have got involved with 'hard' Sudoku. There were a few sevens and only one nine. It was the worst case we've ever seen. Two of my officers scratched their heads just looking at it."
While the majority of UK teenagers do lead brain-addled lives of alcoholism and drug addiction, a few make the mistake of trying to be clever, and it's these few the UK authorities are most worried about before they're faced with an epidemic on the scale of Japan or Singapore.
The Spoof spoke to a reformed Sudoku addict who said that Sudoku was everywhere, it was cheap and it was addictive innit. The charity group, Rub It Out, repeated calls for immediate government action on Sudoku to prevent further tragic accidents happening, or at least an expensive public information film using out-of-work actors, a sub-Brit Pop soundtrack and a script that was rescued from the Eastender's Grundon.