Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Have A Break - Kill Some Orangutans
A Bag Of Kit-Kats Pictured Yesterday

Shocking news just in from the musical environmental protection group Greensleeves suggests that tucking into your favourite chocolate covered wafer bar could be damaging the Indonesian rain forests, and in effect, killing orangutans.

Orangutans, great big ginger apes, closely related genetically to human beings are seeing their environment cut down and burned off to make way for palm trees, a valuable source of palm oil - a vital ingredient in Britain's favourite chocolate covered wafer type snack bar.

And we are responsible for it.

And the chocolate covered wafer bars are getting bigger!

Once only available in two and four fingered versions, the manufacturers tinkered with the idea of a number of variants, so that now the biscuits are available in anything from the bite size version, to a new jumbo bar as big as one of David Beckham's football boots.

And that's not all.

The traditional red and white wrapping paper has been dispensed with, to be replaced by a new kind of alien type space foil, similar to that found in the Roswell Incident.

Doing nothing to help the plight of the big ginger apes we know and love as orangutans, who have taken to sitting in trees and fretting as their natural habitat is systematically destroyed.

Greensleeves thinks we have a responsibility towards these big hairy apes and that we should all stop eating chocolate covered wafer bars in order to give the apes a chance.

One man who won't be taking that advice is Hughie Snaredrum, who we spoke to at the Merryhill shopping centre in the West Midlands yesterday. He told us:

"You mean to say that eating Kit-Kats is killing orangutans?" he spluttered. "Pull the other one! It's got pissing bells on it! I ain't giving up me bleeding Kit-Kats for no big hairy ginger ape. Not on your life."

Which effectively scuppered any intention we may have had about not actually naming the product in question.

Thanks a lot Mister bloody Snaredrum.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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