Written by Titus A. Dux
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Topics: Tony Blair, Labour

Monday, 20 December 2004

image for Michael Howard's Dissapointment
Howard yesterday before sunrise

Labour Shadow Home Secretary in-waiting Michael Howard has described his dissapointment in not recieving a mandate from the pricipal deity Tony Blair to become the new home secretary as "most unfortunate"

Michael Howard, 56, of Transylvania East is distraught that all the support he has given to Tony Blair since joining the Government in 2003 has come to nothing. He said in a recent interview "How else could we bring in solid Tory policies if we do not elect a new labour government at the next election". However his words appear to have fallen upon deaf ears at No 10

Mr Howard-racula also stated that he found it most disturbing that his former employer, Baroness Thatcher, was described as a "wishy washy liberal" by the new Home Secretary Charlie Clarke and that real strides would be made to pry into peoples private lives without him being in charge of it. "I Have always been the bastion of the nanny state" he said "and I have read 1984 more than 20 times so I must know what I'm talking about"

Charles Clarke has since refuted suggestions that he has been appointed as a glove puppet for Mr Blairs totalitarian regime by increasing the emphasis on the most unpopular policies such as ID cards. "As long as I have the conservatives vote, I have a mandate" he said yesterday at the meeting of the BNP. "The problem with British politics is that it's difficult to get your ideas across to the more intelligent MP's at times, so it's best to alter the agenda slightly during the debate stage"

Michael Howard is still one of the favourites to be invited into the cabinet in the next Labour government having a good track record in the erosion of civil liberties and the promotion of labour policy. he also has a good record in sacking any oppposition members who might compete with Tony Blair in the popularity stakes, and is an ardent supporter of the government in the house of commons.

Secretary of State for Education and Skills The Rt Hon Ruth Kelly MP has since suggested that the word "opposition" be removed from the national curriculum and the Oxford English Dictionary"Just in case someone ever looks up the meaning!" which we assume means that Michael Howard never has?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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