The Iron Lady is reported to be comfortable, in her incontinence pants, but confused at home. She can hardly string two words together and has become agitated by the "Heel of the Becks" story unfolding.
In her lucid moments she asks repeatedly, "Finland, why bloody Finland all saunas and lakes and too damn near those Russkies for my liking? Hairbrush David is making a right mess and now our secret weapon, Becks (Engerland, Engerland) has gone and done his heel in. It's doing my head in, I tell you, even though I'm permanently sedated".
"I'm loving this" she preaches to Rottweiler Tebbit, " Let's start another war to get us elected".
They hatched a plan, a very cunning plan, the most devious plan they could cobble together on their Nintendo wi.
It is believed that they will send the SAS to murder all of the apes on Gibraltar (the Spanish ones as well, hairy, garlic stinking diegos). They will raise the Spanish flag over Gibraltar and declare (me casa is not your casa anymore).
British troops, loyal to the Argie bashing Maggie, all nicely brown, unshaven and tanned, will be withdrawn from Afghanistan (about time as well) and sent to take back Gib posing as Moroccan tourists.
British tourists will be released from makeshift prisons and recruited to spy on the Spanish occupying force. Maggie will appear as a 3D hologram, complete with tank and Union Jack in the sky each evening, causing the Spanish to prostrate themselves and drop their weapons. Victory will be easy and they will parade Hairbrush Dave through Gib before Brown, the unelected Scot can get there.
Hairbrush will be accompanied by Posh Beckham, Cheryl Tweedy (as was) and Piers Morgan to prove he is a very modern man. Susan Boyle refused to travel as she is having her eyebrows plucked. She also refused permission for her version of "How Great Thou Art" to be played as the hologram of Maggie floated over Gib once again. Instead "Rule Brittania" will be played by the local brass ensemble.