The controlled drug problem facing UK Police is getting steadily worse says a spokesperson. "We are seeing an average of one new drug a week hitting the towns and cities and we believe farmers are to blame!" When we asked for evidence to support his claim the representative was vague.
"We know farmers are using college and university kids to manufacture these drugs. We know this to be true simply by the names of such drugs. They have taken what we call 'Mephedrome' and turned it into Meow Meow. Other drugs to appear are, Woof Woof (which leads to a dehydrating panting effect) and Baaaa Baaaa" (rendering takers of the drug very willing to suggestive instructions), he explained.
These legal highs are quickly made illegal, however courts are struggling to keep up with the volumes of drugs now being released. A court official said "It's funny when you hear a judge saying the name of these drugs. Seeing them in their poncy wigs making farm yard noises is funny. We all think the farmers call them silly names to deter the judges from banning them!"
The latest controlled substances to enter the market are an amphetamine called 'Quack Quack (leaves you craving stale bread) and a big bad Barbiturate called Harrrrrumph Harrrrrumph (which is easy to snort).