Written by Nae mair crap
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

image for Susan Boyle's greatest UK fan admits, I am obsessed
we don't even have bread in the house

A little known fact about the Subo explosion throughout the known universe is the toll that it has taken on ordinary families.

Mrs S of Bolton, Lancashire was a typical mum with three kids who lived a boring life until Subo mania caught hold of her. She is now unable to communicate because she has a broken jaw, wired up in four places sustained as she attempted to fly.

"I thought it was just a passing phase" her husband said "then my wife seemed to spend most days on a fansite forum. The house was filthy, the kids clothes went unwashed, there was never any food in the house and bills went unpaid for months. I knew things were bad when I witnessed my youngest son feeding himself peanuts from our bird feeder"

He was demonstrably in pain as he described what happened next. " While searching for clean socks, having worn my only pair for six days, I came across a drawer full of hundreds of newspapers and magazines, all unread and a newsagents red, final demand, letter for payment of £8750 owed by us and 16 solicitors letters. Then I found a huge plastic box containing hundreds of copies of Susan Boyle's CD hidden beneath my sons toys."

Mr S described how he checked their credit card statement and was confronted by an outstanding balance in the thousands. As he searched for bank statements he discovered a second credit card statement with one entry, £3500 Japan Airlines! He told our reporter that he flipped at this point and carried all the CD's, newspapers and magazines into the garden, where he set fire to the whole lot.

"I'm going to Japan with my friends to see Susan" she cried "some of them have remortgaged their houses, some have been holding car boot sales every week, others have taken out bank loans, I know I might be obsessed but why can't I have some fun"

At this point she plunged headlong into the fire to try to retrieve one of the 150 copies of her Britain's Got Talent annual, smashing her face into the bird table as she slid through the fire.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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