Written by Nae mair crap
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Topics: Parliament

Monday, 15 March 2010

image for UK House of Commons in uproar over heelgate scandal
new line in supportive heelies by Posh

As election fever sweeps the House of Commons and Hairbrush Dave plots with Tebbit the rottweiler a heelish scandal was exposed by Labour MP, Dennis Skinner reports our fashion editor Heidi "cheil" Heald.

Rocking on his heels, a sure sign that soon there would be heel to pay, he asked the PM if he could confirm that Lord Ashcroft, Tory benefactor and big "Wheel of Fortune" fan, had paid for David Beckham's trip to Finland for surgery on his Acilles Heel and why the procedure could not be carried out at a UK surgery.

The PM, unable to make himself heard through howls of protest from the Tory benches, smiled and stood on one leg while massaging the other heel finally spoke,

"I feel such a heel" he grinned "but I cannot confirm that this is the case".

To Tory heckling and shouts of "resign, you heel, PM", Hairbrush Dave stood at the Dispatch Box and addressed the House.

"Aye or no? Prime Minister" a reference to the PM's loss of an eye in his youth, "could David Beckham be wheeled into a UK hospital and healed?"

The Labour benches erupted, the Tories all covered one eye to mimic Nelson and cried "Aye, aye, should have gone to Specsavers!"

The PM guffayed as he responded. " With no bill to foot, yes. The NHS may be down at heel but he'll (pointing at Hairbrush Dave) need to wheeldle himself out of this foot in mouth outbreak or by christ he'll be in a hellish hole"

As the Speaker called "order, order the house will come to order", Labour MP's danced a jig, singing "step we gaily here we go, heel for heel and toe for toe".

Up in the visitors gallery, John Terry sang "Footloose" to himself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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