Written by Lady Godiva
Print this

Sunday, 14 March 2010

image for Nessynappers continue to suffer
Not the 'stocks' Subo fanatics meant

Nessynappers continue to suffer after having been 'entertained' by Billy Connoly for 24 hours. Susan Boyle herself visited the women but was ordered not to speak, or sing. Susan was asked to merely stand in front of them, out of arms reach and, every 5 minutes she was to do her wiggle.

The women fell to their knees shouting, 'We love you Susan. Please say you love us too. Please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top.'

Every so often one would yell, "Och aye Susan. Haggis, Monarch of the Glen, kilts, Celtic, Rangers. Heather. By Yon Bonny Banks." Seemingly the only Scottish she knew.

Susan stood in silence. A wry smile on her face.

Susan's visit lasted an hour, costing Prison Services six hundred thousand quid. The cheque was made payable to "The David Beckham Speech Enhancement Foundation For Speech Impaired Football Players".

This charity is said to be close to Susan's heart and accepts, into its programmes, footballers from England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

It's noted that the Welsh players tend to stay at the facility twice as long as the players from England, Ireland and Scotland. This is as a direct result of them being so bloody arrogant, often refusing to speak English, resulting in making the staff's jobs more difficult. Staff are reported as saying they are unable to complete assessments as quickly on these stubborn prats.

As to the Subo Fanatics. They remain behind bars. Anxiously biting their fingernails wondering what the NEXT punishment will be. More as this story unfolds.

Make Lady Godiva's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 4?

7 8 16 9
81 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more