Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Police, Mothers Day

Sunday, 14 March 2010

image for Police Issue Bogus Mother Warning
Hello Son - I'm Your Mum

The police today issued a warning to UK householders to beware of bogus mothers operating criminal scams on unwitting citizens on Mothers Day.

The warning, which was issued way too late to be of any practical use whatsoever was issued after a number of complaints received in the Southampton area, of a seven foot tall man wearing workboots, combat jacket, and one of those big silly hats with the pull down earflaps, knocking on people's doors and claiming to be their mother.

Few householders were taken in by the ruse because the imposter wasn't even female, spoke with a deep voice and had a face like a blind cobbler's thumb.

"He was an ugly sod," one resident from the Weston area of the city told us. "He came knocking on the door and claiming to be my long lost mum. I told him that my mum wasn't lost at all and that seemed to throw him a bit. But he did persist. He said surely I remembered him giving birth to me, and I told him that I was old enough to be his father, let alone him be my mother. He cleared off then."

Similar scams have been reported nationwide, though few people fell for it.

One who did fall for it was 92 year old Everton Mince, a gay chocolateer from Sheffield who had his handbag rifled by the intruder. A five pound note and a packet of strawberry flavoured condoms were taken before the con-man made good his escape. Mince told us:

"I thought it was a bit strange, dear old Mumsy coming to visit, because she died in 1987, God rest her. But this bloke was very convincing."

Given the delayed reaction to the con tricksters, the police are already issuing a warning for next Mother's Day and advising the public not to approach people wielding samurai swords and foaming at the mouth.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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