Written by Bill Licks
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Sunday, 14 March 2010

image for BA Cabin Crew clash with Police
SCAB

There were ugly scenes at Heathrow airport as picketing British Airways trolley dollies clashed with police.

The angry cabin crew, who were protesting about changes to pay and staffing levels, were furious when police turned up wearing the same colour luminous yellow safety jackets.

'It's outrageous,' squealed president of the National Union of Trolley Staff (NUTS), Arthur Headscarfgill. 'I spent weeks designing our outfits for these protests. I was tempted to go for bright day-glo pink over crimson jackets, accessorised by silk chiffon scarves for the girls and glittery cod pieces for the boys. But at the last minute I read my horoscope this morning and Mystic Meg told me to avoid pink at all costs this week.'

'So I settled with the standard yellow luminous jackets over the cabin crew uniform. I thought we'd stand out as we posed and pouted at anyone who dare cross the picket line, but now we just look insignificant as THEY (the police) have opted to turn up in the same colour jackets, but of inferior quality I might add.'

'I bet they've done it on purpose to steal our limelight. They're just such bloody attention seekers.'

Sergeant Keith Lacunt of the Metropolitan Police denied the accusations and defended the clash. 'We weren't to know what outfits they would be wearing for their protest. Besides these are standard regulation safety jackets that we always wear.'

'But I do think my decision to kit the force out in post-office red leather peaked caps and salmon pink sparkly truncheons was the right one to show those trolley dollies who the real queens of this airport are.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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