The Manchester 'Flying Squad' today detained and later booked a man for harboring an antique egg drawer stuffed with 100 year old eggs that his wife had bought on eBay in contravention of the Wildlife and Countryside Act of 1981.
The man, who must remain nameless and given another identity due to this despicable act which would necessarily enrage his neighbours, appeared contrite when arrested at his home which also contained penned rare wabbits which he was allegedly raising to supplement an already sparse diet due to his aversion to shopping and appearing in large crowds, even at night.
The booking pictures taken at his arraignment depicts a humiliated man, down cast, and looking as one copper said, "As a poor sod caught with egg on his face!"
The trouble started, according to a source close to the man, when he confronted his wife over the purchase which she bought for $75 but cost $1,250 to have shipped from the colonies. The egg chest, an Edwardian Oak Chest, came complete with a collection of eggs, all deemed to be over 100 years old and may have included those from wild prairie chickens, partridge, pheasant, egrets, and even an ostrich.
The man, panicked that he would be soon overdrawn at his bank, (BASTARDS), decided in order to recoup his wife's foolish purchase, hired a casual Irish friend with a reputation for reverse painting on glass, to paint up some of the eggs with portraits of Jesus and sell them at Easter.
"Look at what that Bloke Faberge did with some bleeding eggs...and they want to put me away for trying to make a few pounds on some 100 year old eggs that won't hatch....some kind of yoke, innit?"
According to police the man was ratted out by an old bitty in the neighborhood who was incensed that the man had turned his small house plot into a veritable open market selling home grown vegetables, potatoes,and a local favorite at pubs, Wabbit Jerky and pickled eggs plucked from his own rookery.
Adding to his troubles, during the time he was detained, in which he was fingerprinted, had his arse probed and his mouth swabbed for DNA, a group of travelers in 3 RV's had managed to move onto the property, uproot his garden, install 3 slabs, and get their own postal zip code.
Authorities claimed they were helpless to do anything due to the fact there were 35 minor children involved, and the property was now protected by at least 13 dogs resembling pit bulls .
"Much too dangerous to approach the compound, " said Superintendent Percival Mountbatten, " and besides, none of us speak Romanian!"
The man's plight is said to have worsened when he was turned away from yet another job at a British factory making sausage when he found out a requirement was that he had to be fluent in Polish.
The man's wife said he is now contemplating claiming asylum in the country he was born in and can only hope a true Englishman can get the same rights as the horde of babushka and burka clad free loaders pouring into the country.