Written by Mr Anorchristic
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Topics: Ivana Phuque

Sunday, 14 March 2010

image for Olympian Ivana Phuque and Spin Bowler Phani Tikkala to Wed
Shri Lanka Playing Cricket Yesterday

Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque and Shri Lankan spin bowler and Spoof sports correspondent, Phani Tikkala are to wed amid growing reports in the media.

Ivana who was rumoured to have lost her cherry to shamed ex-England Captain, John Terry made a statement yesterday that she had met Phani when he was reporting for Spoof at this year's Winter Olympics. She cried yesterday ''where's my Phani gone?''

She was rushed in her announcement as Phani had been detained in Iran on the trumped charges of 'fanny tickling' by Iranian despot President Achmad Amadinnerbap.

She went on to say that ''it can't be true, my Phani Tikkala is innocent''. The charges if proved carry the mandatory sentence of having your hands chopped off and shoved up your arse, which in Iran is the most lenient of sentences.

Yesterday, Foreign Secretary David Milliband met with Iran's top spy chief Achmad Achmad bin Achmad Achmad, in a bid to resolving Ivana's heartache and having her Phani Tikkala released under the non-human rights act.

Cricket lover, David Milliband stated that '' I am doing my best for her Phani...I remember the days when her Phani hit seven six's in six balls...amazing...her Phani has the most amazing ability...it would be a shame if her Phani's hands were chopped off and shoved up his arse...I know what it feels like''.

Ivana made her emotional appeal to the public admitted tearfully, her love for Phani was irreplaceable and that if she didn't have her Phani back that ''she would die''.

A spokeswoman for Human Rights group, 'Fanny Amnesty' stated today that: ''It's terribly distressing when somebody loses their Phani'' and that if anybody finds Ivana's Phani that they ''should approach with extreme caution'' and to make sure that ''they had two short planks strapped to their feet''.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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