Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Protest, Conference

Saturday, 13 March 2010

image for Protester Disrupts 'Wellness' Conference
To Beer Or Not To Beer - That Is The Option

A 'wellness' conference promoting a healthy lifestyle held in Mugford town hall was interrupted last night by a protester who claimed that the whole concept of 'wellness' was just another corporate con, engineered by the bourgeoisie in order to save money on healthcare currently being being pissed up the wall by drinkers, smokers, and fat bastards.

James Juicehead, of nearby Feckingford was set upon by doormen, punched and kicked for a bit and unceremoniously dumped in an untidy heap in the street outside.

Juicehead told our reporter that drinking, smoking, fast food, saturated fats, cholesterol, reckless driving, BASE jumping, head-banging, fighting in pub car parks, parachuting, swimming in shark infested seas, experimenting with toxins, taking illegal drugs, and playing Russian roulette never did anyone any harm.

"This wellness crap," he told us. "It just turns everybody into miserable bastards. They might live a bit longer, but God, they get so fucking boring it hurts."

Pamela Pottymouth, of the 'Wellness Coalition' countered by telling us that living substance free, fat free, going out running at five am on a winters morning in the snow, joining a gym and swimming about in water on a bike with a snorkel were all essential building blocks of a happy, healthy life.

The jury is still out on eggs, butter, carbonated soft drinks and vegetarian sausages.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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