The Mayor of London's Transport Secretary, Kulveer Ranger, announced today plans to phase out the world famous Cockney Black Cab, citing the popular mode of transport, 'expensive and unintelligible' for a modern London.
At a news conference, Mr. Ranger, who was recovering from a cycling accident, due to his heavily bandaged head, went on to say that '' tourism plays a vital role in London's economy'' and that Cockney Black Cab drivers, ''speak a different language'' making tourists ''feel uncomfortable''.
Since the Romans created the great town of Londonminium nearly two thousand years ago, there have always been cabbies plying their trade. Today's Black Cab drivers can trace their heritage back to the great Roman cabbie, Blackus Cabbus Extortionust, who was the grandfather of them all.
A London Cabbie, who cannot be named for legal reasons as he was in prison serving four consecutive life sentences for drugging and raping over 200 women, said today that ''cor blimey guv'nor, I had this chirpy geeza' in the back of me sherbet, and he was brevin dhaan me gregory and pulled aaht a monkey and before I knew it, he slapped it in me hampsteads causing me to have a pony''
Black Cabbies staged a massive strike and brought London to a standstill. Millions of commuters were rooted to the spot and the Cabbies went on to quiz the Transport for London Secretary. Mr. Ranger has not replied as it will take interpreters a few days to decipher exactly what the Black Cabbies said.
A spokesperson for the Transport Secretary said today that '' we have received a record amount of applications from illegal Somali Cabbies and we are considering replacing the Black Cabbies as Somalis tend to speak English and are very cheap''.