Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: Cats, ASBO

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

image for Unruly Cat gets an ASBO
A picture of innocence

A cat from a small town in Wiltshire is the first feline in Britain to receive an ASBO.

Scratcher the Tabby from Wootten Bassett, who was recently awarded a Victoria Cross for bravery in Afghanistan, has become such a menace to the local community since his return to civilian life that his owner has now issued him with an Anti Social Behaviour Order.

Some of his misdemeanours include -

Entering neighbours houses uninvited, stealing food and spraying urine on items of furniture.

Climbing on car bonnets and vandalising them with a series of dirty footprints.

Shamelessly burying turds in a neighbour's garden in full view of the irate neighbour.

Slapping the Siamese cat from number 42 after she rejected his amorous advances.

'He's uncontrollable' said his owner Gladys Francis. 'He just spends his days eating, sleeping and scratching my bet sofa when he's bored.'

'I've begged him to go and get a job and do something useful with his life but he just turns his back on me, lifts up his tail and flashes his little pink arse as if to say 'go fuck yourself' or something like that.'

'I hope this ASBO will teach him a lesson and make him think about the trouble he's been causing and how much hurt he inflicts on the people who love him.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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