Socialists will be outlawed from today to ensure that any discussions on alternative ways of running essential services are not discussed in the forthcoming general election.
"We are determined that we will not give these people the oxygen of publicity," said a spokesman for the Labour Party.
"We have spent years unravelling nationalised industries so that the consumer has more choice and does not have to pay ever increasing prices for gas, water and electricity.
We have trains with lots of pretty colours which brighten up the countryside even when totally overcrowded and with uncontrolled ticket prices that only rise significantly beyond inflation once a year."
"Most important of all is our ability to hide the true cost of public facilities by letting Private Finance Initiatives (PFI's) fund the cost of hospitals, schools and other projects where once the State took control.
There is no way we want to go back to State Control of anything, lest we become exposed to accusations that private borrowing is more expensive in the long run than public financing."
No socialists were left in the Labour Party so none were available for comment.
(c) Writers News Agency