Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 6 March 2010

image for Beware the New Ides of March psychics tell the Queen
Bye Bye Miss American Pie as planchette spells death on 8th March

London - (Portents): The anagramatic ouija board was at it again this weekend, this time in Windsor Castle's notorious General Pinochet Memorial Wing, where the omens were grim.

Comrade Fish and Rome Chief drew a stab, eh? flashed up dramatically in response to Queen Elizabeth's usual Saturday night 'Mirror, Mirror Off The Wall' beseechings.

"That's Ides of March, Ma'am, and Beware the Ides of March," Lord Chamberlain the Lord Luce-Cannon explained, "I think it's a secret warning!"

A very startled Mrs Ratzinger went as white as a sheet as the cryptic planchette then threw up the final warning Hatch Em' Frig' Ho.

"That's Eighth of March, Ma'am!"

Officially the Ides of March take place on March 15th and commemorate the day in 44 BC when Julius Caesar was assassinated by backstabbers. The last Romanov Tsar, Nicholas II, also abdicated on that day in 1917.

For HM's entourage of psychics, palm readers, soothsayers and interpreters of the splayed chicken entrials the message is clear: it's hara kiri time this Monday, International Women's Day and corresponding tarot card of The Fool day.

Peter Mandelson will swing on the gibbet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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