Gordon Brown, the Force's sweetheart, risked his popular standing yesterday by declaring that :
" Football isn't what it used to be in the 70's and early 80's."
" I used to love" he explained " to stand in the terraces watching the players in their tight little shorts showing their muscular thighs and pert little bottoms.. I found that very exciting. But these days with their long floppy shorts, I think that that aspect of the game, if I may say so, has been totally lost."
Mr Browns sporting career was cut short when his eye was severely damaged by an erect penis but he continued to enjoy watching the match and visiting the players in the bath afterwards.
" I make the firm commitment " he declared "That should' ( or rather when,) I win the Election I will bring the 'wiggle factor' back into football."
A football spokesperson commented: "Typical of the man to try to impose himself through the back door."