Written by shopbitch
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Topics: Crime

Saturday, 6 March 2010

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UK Society was rocked to its foundations after the first ever recorded incident of a released prisoner reoffending.

The ex-con, who can not be named for legal reasons, was expected to do the same as the 200,000 prisoners released every week and settle down to a life of suburban comfort in a bungalow in Somerset. Instead, he turned against the years of training he was given in jail and decided to do one more blag instead of setting up a florists in Taunton.

Justice Minister, Jack Straw, was clearly distraught. "I can't talk about it," he told a packed press conference, "it hurts me personally. I see each one as one of my own children." He later broke down in tears.

Former London gangster, Dave "Bones" Bones, who now runs a cake stall in the West End, was shocked. "Blimey guv, who'd've thought, eh?" he told our reporter.

Former England manager Terry Venables was unavailable for comment as a tenuous and desperate link to make this story interesting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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