Written by Morse
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Friday, 5 March 2010

image for Pittsburgh QB Roethlisberger Tackled Behind Lines on New Sex Charge ; Alleged Victim Claims He Wasn't Wearing a Helmet!
Steeler Fans Wonder: Did Ben Throw Yet Another Season Down the Drain?

Disaster hit the NFL Pittsburgh Steelers today, with the news that Quarterback 'Big Ben' Roethlisburger is being accused of illegal use of the hands off the field, this time in a Georgia nightclub lady's room!

The well hung single gunslinger with the rifle arm who led the Steelers to a recent Super Bowl, managed to escape similar charges from a Las Vegas hotel hostess who claimed he sexually assaulted her when she innocently was called to his room during a personal appearance event, presumably to refold his bath towel, and straighten out the loose change in his pants pocket.

Criminal charges were eventually not pursued, but according to sources, the possibility of a civil suit still exists.

Steeler execs still wonder if lingering head injuries from a motorcycle accident are the cause of Ben's lapse in judgement, causing him to forget the rules of the game, and reducing his average of 'completed passes.'

In that accident, Ben, who was not wearing a helmet that time either, crashed into a car turning left in front of him, vaulting him over the handlebars and sending his unprotected head through the windshield. He was also driving on an expired learners permit, and the incident affected his 2006 performance on the field.

After the MC incident Ben promised to practice 'safe' motorcycling, and always wear protection 'when I'm on the road letting off steam and looking for a few thrills."

Georgia investigators are said to have interviewed Roethlisberger after the incident, as well as the alleged victim at the late night club.

At the current time, no one has been charged in the incident, but insiders say Pittsburgh execs are on the phone to Kurt Warner's agents, discussing the possibility that the aging, but effective gun slinger, will consider coming out of retirement for the coming season.

Mr. Warner has been married for 12 years to Brenda, a former Marine, adopted her two children, and the couple have five more children of their own.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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