Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Friday, 5 March 2010

image for David Cameron to be star of new Geordie Computer Game
Geordie land - Alien territory for a Tory?

It has been announced that David Cameron is to be the star of a new Geordie Computer Game. It will be called "Dave's adventures in Geordieland".

The gaming company who created it say the object of the game will be to assume the avatar of David Cameron and go have adventures on a poverty stricken Council Estate in Newcastle.

Dave will face many challenges, and the way to win the game is for the game player to guide David through a number of exciting challenges.

To progress through the game, David will have to find, money, food, shelter and entertainment. This won't be easy because, coming from the prosperous south, David will have no Geordie Survival Skills at all.

David will have to develop such skills as Joyriding in a black and white car, Angel of the North vandalising and he will also have to learn how to worship a football team that doesn't win very often.

A beta version of the game has been trialled throughout the winter and it has been deemed "Intense" by hardened gamers. "Its very violent. Especially when Dave has to go partying in the Big Market. He has to dodge insults such as "Go home you Tory Waste of Space". If David responds to this by saying "Ok Ya. Will do" Then its game over. The correct response is to throw a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale across the room and try to hit the person who shouted the insult.

But the game isn't all crime and violence, lighter moments involve challenges such as "David goes to the pet shop", in which David has to go buy a Pit Bull Terrier. If he buys a labrador, then again its game over.

The way to win, is to "keep as Geordie as possible". Its a game for experienced gamers. Tories are advised not to try it. Maybe they should have a go at nicer game like "Resident Evil". Dave's adventures in Geordieland will be available from specialist games shops from Midnight on Monday.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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