Written by Joe Dent
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Topics: Visa, david blunkett

Monday, 29 November 2004

image for Blunkett demands visa inquiry
Does Blunkett know TV schedule?

Current home secretary David Blunkett has demanded a full investigation into claims that he naughtily helped his ex-lover's former nanny obtain a visa.

This follows a Sunday newspaper's claim that he used his influence to help Kimberly Quinn's Filipina nanny, Leoncia Casalme gain residency by having a word in someone's ear.

Although he asserted that he had done nothing wrong and was just being picked on, Mr Blunkett nevertheless decided that the best way to clear his name was to ask for an independent review.

Under pressure from shadow home secretary David Davis to have an investigation "independent of the Home Office", Mr Blunkett announced that the inquiry would be carried out by his new dog, Fido.

But Mr Davis said this was unacceptable. He said the inquiry must be carried out by a judge of the highest calibre, someone incorruptible, someone who would stand for nothing but the truth.

So yesterday, Mr Blunkett gave in and announced that Judge Dredd would lead the investigation into whatever it was that he hadn't done wrong.

As well as the visa question, newspaper allegations that Mr Blunkett shared top-secret security information with Mrs Quinn during a game of truth or dare are also to be investigated by Judge Dredd.

One piece of hush-hush intelligence Mr Blunkett is said to have imparted to his bit of stuff is the Christmas television schedule for this year. While even the most recent Christmas TV guides can only print "TBA" (To Be Announced) beside many viewing times, Mrs Quinn is believed to have the full schedule for all channels, including Freeview and satellite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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