Written by Carl LaFong
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Monday, 8 March 2010

image for The Daleks are taking over - Says Boffin
Trainee Dalek

Scientists are refusing to comment following the publication of a letter in the prestigious newspaper, The Prestatyn Herald, which claims that Daleks are already infiltrating planet Earth.

These astounding revelations have been put forward by local butcher, Mr Ted Boffin.
Speaking from the offal counter at his shop in North Presthaven, Mr Boffin explained his theory:

"They try to pass themselves off as old biddies out shopping but they don't fool me. Everywhere you go these days you will see these trainee Daleks in what they term their 'mobility scooters' wheeling around terrorising innocent folk".

In a crude demonstration involving a sloppy portion of tripe, Mr Boffin, showed just what these Daleks would if they got their wrinkly little fingers on a real human brain.

He continued his explanation, "Most of them are only what I call 'half-Dalek' at the moment, just like their leader, Bobby Davros. Soon, though, they will earn their scary, swivel tops and pointy exterminator sticks", said the deranged butcher.

Right on cue, an elderly lady in her 'Dalek half-body' pulled into the shop and pushed straight to the front of the queue shouting, "I'm eighty four, you know!"

I tried to interview the Dalek but was merely reminded of her age again.

I did manage to speak to a local paperboy, Jimmy, who told me, "I woz jus doin' me round an' one ov dem old gits ran over my foot". Asked if he thought it was a Dalek that injured him the cheeky little scamp said, "If it was it was old wrinkly one".

If you feel you have you been victimised by a trainee Dalek contact our helpline on 0101010010000010001 010010001 010001

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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