It is alleged that David Cameron has hired Hong Kong chop-socky movie star Jackie Chan to act as a campaign advisor as the Tory Party leader hits the election trail in earnest.
A spokeswoman told me: "Mr Cameron watched 'Rumble In The Bronx' last week and he was overwhelmed by Jackie Chan's 'can do' positivity, and by the way he never backed down from a fight even when the odds appeared to be stacked against him. What also caught Mister Cameron's eye was Jackie Chan's unfailing ability to make instant decisions in high pressure situations. It's a pleasure for us to welcome Jackie Chan aboard the Tory Battle Bus."
It has been alleged by a close friend of Mr Cameron that the opposition leader regards Jackie Chan as the quintessential Englishman, a man of action, a man of loyalty, and a man with unswerving confidence in his own abilities.
Jackie Chan is also famous for screening 'You've Been Framed' style montages of his own bloopers at the end of his movies, which bodes well for Jackie Chan as he tutors Mr Cameron on the art of falling on his own arse without causing lasting damage, and of affecting nonchalance when catching your balls on the corner of a table.
The Duke Of Edinburgh was reportedly delighted by Jackie Chan's appointment, telling reporters:
"Jolly good show. I think Jackie Chan is a great choice for the role. He's the chap with the slitty eyes, right?"
More as we get it.