Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 3 March 2010

image for Ashley Cole Founds 'Underpant Relief'
Pants - It's All Pants

Wobbly ankled Chelsea and England full back Ashley Cole today took the first step towards cleaning up his tarnished public image by founding the charity 'Underpant Relief.'

Attending the opening of an operations centre in Shepherd's Bush, Cole pledged that Underpant Relief would deliver clean underpants at short notice wherever in the world they may be needed.

In its first fully operational working day, Underpant Relief sent out hundreds of pairs of clean underpants to the victims of earthquakes, floods, wars and drunken follow-throughs in every corner of the globe. Logistics Director Saffron Gusset told me that the charity was only working at around 10% of capacity during its first fully operational day, and that it could easily have sent clean underpants out to many more underpant needy or deprived individuals.

Ashley Cole himself proved to be a genial guide, frequently exchanging laughs and jokes with his underpant angels as they packaged and despatched clean pairs of underpants, this in stark contrast to the general public perception of the pint-sized left back being a self obssessed serial philanderer.

Ashley Cole told me:

"I'm really proud to be behind this venture, bringing underpant relief to those in greatest need. Underpants have been an integral part of the Ashley Cole story since I grew out of nappies. There's no finer way of cleaning up my sullied image than by giving away clean underpants in a charitable non-profit making enterprise such as this."

Coming soon - A Brief History Of Underpants.

More as I make it up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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